


And I can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love

by CamilleDuDemon



Category: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Needs a Hug, Guilt, Heartbreak, Jedi Code, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 17:10:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6203815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamilleDuDemon/pseuds/CamilleDuDemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he said he saved your ass, you spat out something like “it's not the Jedi way. You should have left me behind.”<br/>His blue eyes were wet, circled with dark shadows. He was tired and sore and he needed to be comforted, not rejected. <br/>Then you made the most important question.<br/>“Why...why are you so mad at me, Anakin?” <br/>Sadly, he answered you with sincerity and every damn thing collapsed on itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love

 

“ _I'm mad at you because I love you!”_

“ _See? That's the problem!”_

 

 

 

You twist and turn in your bed, haunted by insomnia and memories of the past day.

There's no doubt you hurt Anakin's feelings.

You spoke to him harshly, your judgment clouded by emotions. A fatal mistake, indeed, letting such things overpowering you like the inexperienced padawan you're not anymore.

It's hard to you to deal with the words Anakin spoke after the brief mission you accomplished and it's even harder to deal with the warmness you felt in your chest when he said those three words you'd never wanted to hear.

It all started this morning, when you both came home from your latest mission. You knew something was wrong, you could feel it through your Force bond, so you started asking questions.

He got mad fast, as usual, and even you struggled to stay cool: for the first time in years you were on the verge of a real fight.

You were both tired and angry so words came out easier than ever before.

“ _Don't...don't try to dismiss this, master! Not this time! You could have died! It was me who saved your ass, so don't act as if nothing happened at all!”_

His words are still echoing through your brain, while you're laying flat on your bed, hands pressed on your face to hide your miserable grin.

When he said he saved your ass, you spat out something like “it's not the Jedi way. You should have left me behind.”

His blue eyes were wet, circled with dark shadows. He was tired and sore and he needed to be comforted, not rejected.

Then you made the most important question.

“ _Why...why are you so mad at me, Anakin?”_

Sadly, he answered you with sincerity and every damn thing collapsed on itself.

“ _I'm mad at you because I love you!”_

Oh, the turmoil his answer brought froze you in place, head spinning and legs weak.

It took you some minutes to be able to speak again but then you spoke...and you broke his heart.

“ _See? That's the problem!”_

You cowardly rushed off after saying such a mean thing, trying to hide from the emotions that were building up in your heart.

Anakin didn't return to your shared quarters.

You meditated all day long, but Anakin's words intoxicated your brain. You were being eaten alive by them, consumed by his love...consumed by your own guilt.

And now you're here, surrounded by darkness and silence, incapable of finding peace.

You search and scan every memory, trying to find out when and why your former apprentice fell for you.

Was it your fault? Surely it is: you were the master, so you are to blame. That's how it works.

But why? And when?

What happened in that tumultuous heart to make him fall in love with you?

You're not sure you wanna know it.

However, deep inside you feel the urge to know. To apologize, too.

You know your place so well you'd never be able to change your mind.

Attachments are forbidden. Love is the strongest attachment of them all, so Love is forbidden.

Love leads to suffering, suffering leads to the Dark Side.

Rhetoric, sure, rhetoric and nothing more, but that's the Code and you must follow its rules.

At least that's what they thought you since you were a child.

No matter how wrong they are, though, Anakin's words are now burning in your mind.

“I'm mad at you because I love you”, he said.

You said it was a problem: you were wrong.

It's worse than that.

It's a tragedy.

Suddenly you realize you two are the very definition of tragedy.

You complete each other, yet you can't be close.

A flash hits your mind, prophetic and fatal.

“This will be the death of us...”, you whisper to the dark air, before allowing yourself a restless and dreamless sleep.

 


End file.
